When you’re in the middle of cancer treatment that causes you to lose your hair, seeing those adverts from charities who encourage everyone to shave their heads and have a great time raising funds, whilst “supporting” their relative/friend with cancer… it really, really winds some of us up.
I can’t stress that enough. It’s not irritating or an annoyance. It really winds some of us up.
Most people don’t find losing their hair through chemotherapy (or radiotherapy) fun. That’s my biggest issue with these adverts. For an awful lot of people losing their hair is the most traumatic part of their cancer treatment. Hair is a strong part of most people’s identity. Plus, if you want to keep your cancer diagnosis private, losing your hair tends to broadcast that something is up!
Added to that, a lot of cancer patients have very little choice about losing their hair — cold capping is an option for some patients, but not all, and it does not guarantee you’ll keep a “reasonable” amount of hair if you are able to cold cap. (I tried it, but had to stop it, so lost 99% of my hair anyway.)
Radiotherapy generally causes permanent hair loss to the treated area. Chemotherapy hair loss is generally temporary, but it can cause permanent loss in a few cases. However, until your hair has actually grown back there is the fear that it won’t.
The process of losing hair from chemotherapy is physically painful. Your scalp gets very sore and it’s rather like a far-too-tight ponytail you’ve had in for a week straight. That’s the kind of sensation. It’s also why some of those who do indeed “brave” the shave describe it as a relief — it takes the pain away, as well as the mess. Unless you shave your head before you start chemotherapy, or before it starts falling out around 14 days later, it’s a messy process that takes days or weeks, or in some cases months. You truly don’t realise how many hairs you have on your head until you find them lying around everywhere. And I do mean everywhere!
You get messy “shedding” even if you are able to cold cap during chemotherapy. It’s just part of the process, you can’t keep every single hair. Shedding makes you terrified that you’re still going to lose all of your hair, despite spending hours extra on the chemo unit at every single session, and putting up with the pain (and cold!) of the cold capping process. If, like me, cold capping ultimately fails (let’s just say that the cap fit and length of time you cap are super important, and you need your chemotherapy nurses to help with both), losing your hair completely after all that is even more traumatic.
When you “brave the shave” for charity (and you’re not a cancer patient), your hair starts growing back again immediately. Not to mention that most people don’t actually go completely bald, they just go to some degree of short. I’ve never seen anyone shave off their eyebrows and pull out their eyelashes too. Oh yes, chemotherapy generally makes those fall out as well, if it makes the hair on your head fall out.
So whilst the happy charity folk have their hair growing back immediately, uniformly, quickly, and their hair is exactly the same as it was before… a cancer patient can be totally bald for six months or more before their hair even starts to grow back. When it does start growing again it can come back in a very patchy way, very slowly, and it can be a completely different colour and texture to how it was previously. It can take a good six months or so after it has started growing before the patient can see that their hair will be OK. That’s an awfully long year or more to be stressed/depressed about your hair.
“Chemo curls” are a real phenomenon by the way. Not everyone gets them, but an awful lot of people do. Imagine your gran’s old perm from the 1980s or 1990s. Yeah. If you’re really unlucky your hair comes back grey initially too. Yuck.
And certain charities want to make out that shaving your head is fun?! Maybe it is when you don’t need to shave it.
If you’re considering shaving your head to “support” someone you know going through cancer treatment, please, please ask them beforehand. Listen to what they say, and make sure that they really are OK with it. There are other ways to support them, and perhaps they’ll be more open to the shaving thing once they’ve finished their treatment.
Now that my hair actually is growing back again I’m not quite as annoyed by the whole charity shaving thing as I was six months ago. I still think it’s an insensitive set of adverts though.
RaspberryLimeMango — UK cancer tips and freebies 
This is EXACTLY how I felt when I knew I was going to loose my hair (eyebrows, lashes, et al!) and my daughter said she wanted to ‘Brave the Shave’ and I told her it wouldn’t actually help me, but rather make me feel guilty that she’d done this herself, when I wasn’t going to have that choice. However, like you, I’m not quite as upset about it now as I’ve got a good 9 months of ‘granny grey perm’ back on my bonce, and lashes and brows making a comeback too. People were so upset with me when I said it made my blood boil, but as you said, we don’t get to make that choice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s nice to hear that it isn’t just me that feels this way. I posted on the social accounts of one of the charities that do these sponsored shaves, and so many people there just didn’t understand how anyone might not support it, and they seemed incredulous that it could upset anyone. They expected me/us to be eternally grateful that they’d been “brave” and cut their hair to an inch or so. I ended up blocking the charity in the end so it wouldn’t keep showing up!
LikeLike